kekosongan~

kenapa ye?? sejak akhir2 ni terasa kosong sangat jiwa ni.. macam ade yang tak kena.. tapi memang ada yang tak kena.. sejak kejadian "itu", segalanya terasa janggal.. tapi masa akan memperbaiki semuanya.. aku yakin!

hidupku kini ibarat burung yang paginya keluar mencari rezeki dan pulang setelah kenyang.. begitulah setiap hariku.. tiada yang istimewa.. seperti kain putih yang kosong tiada warna.. bosan.. aku akui yang aku sedih.. kecewa.. tapi apakan dayaku? aku terima segalanya sebagai ujian dari allah..

Aku yakin segala apa yang terjadi ada hikmahnya.. mungkin benar aku bosan, tapi mengapa aku tidak mencari aktiviti untuk dibuat? mungkin benar aku kesunyian, mengapa aku tidak aku gunakan masa "sunyi"ku untuk menghargai keluargaku? manusia.. penuh dengan alasan.

di kala keseorangan, aku banyak berfikir tentang diriku.. tentang tujuan aku hidup.. tentang kerjayaku.. tentang amalanku dan MATIKU.. aku memang bodoh.. selama 23 tahun hidup, aku rasa tiada amalan yang boleh membantu aku di alam barzakh.. sungguh! aku ingin berubah.. tetapi godaan iblis dan syaitan terlalu kuat.. aku tidak mampu melawannya.. aku dambakan bantuan-mu ya Allah.. bantulah aku.....

aku ingin berubah

aku ingin berubah dari penganggur kepada beperkejaan tetap

aku ingin berubah dari gadis sengal kepada muslimah sejati

aku ingin berubah dari anak yang degil, keras kepala kepada anak yg menyenangkan ibubapanya

aku ingin berubah dari hidup dalam kekosongan kepada hidup yang bermakna

aku ingin berubah dari insan biasa kepada individu yang mampu mmbuat sesuatu

aku ingin berubah menjadi manusia yang lebih sempurna dalam segala hal

adakah aku mampu??

aku dambakan bantuanmu ya Allah, Penciptaku..
bukakanlah aku pintu rahmatmu
sesungguhnya aku ingin berubah


Quote Images

raya haji 2009

cara menyambut raya haji -dayat's style..

1) bangun pg jam 9.. mandi .. bermaaf2an dengan parents dan off to maktok's home

2) makan time!!!

list of what i ate yesterday

• ketupat palas + rendang daging n ayam
• soto ayam
• nasik minyak + ayam kimcham + rendang again!!
• ice cream- lots of it
• buah kedondong

3) lepas mkn2, ape lg pulang ke umah.. tgok tv n then zzzzzzz

basically the routine repeats smpai la malam.. luckily aku bukan jenis yg cepat gemuk.. kalo x?? hmm..

aku terpikir.. inikah cara menyambut raya?? yes, i did spent time with family, by sleeping together in the living room?? but why deep inside, i feel empty?

no conclusion!!

today principle called me.. just to clear everything.. about why am i being selected.. why the new teacher was taken.. and also what will happen next.. still, there is no conclusion on my status.. whether i am staying or leaving.. it depends.. the probabilities are:

1) i may be transfered to school nearby..

2) i may be staying in smksbs, replacing miss zarina ( who is sick at the moment).. so, that means that i'll be teaching bm after this (i'm dead!! ;( )

3) i might be unemployed?


its all depend on the letter from the jpwp.. hmm.. the only thing that confirmed now is that i wont be teaching math anymore.. that is sad as i looooove math so much.. huhu

so i guess all i have to do now is just wait and see..

hari yg sedih!!!

yesterday was the saddest day ever.. i found out that this is my last week in the school.. it really breaks my heart.. i just can't believe it.. i thought dat i would be staying here till at least till the end of this year.. but, who knows?? i have no choice other than accepting the fate..





all of my students asked me..


" why teacher must leave?? "


"don't u love us anymore??"





i feel like wanna scream to tell them how much i love them.. i really do.. its hard for me to acctually leave u.. seriously i'm not ready for goodbye..





my frens asked me, why did u cry so much.. its just a job.. its not like u cant see ur students anymore..


they just dont understand.. being a teacher is really a big thing for me.. for once in my life, i feel important.. feel needed and somehow loved.. its a feeling i never experience before.. teaching is not just a job for me.. its my life.. and i am very proud of it..





i could not cry anymore.. its like my tears were dried.. maybe i seem to be "feelingless" on the outside, but believe me i cry on the inside.. i really don't know what made me loved my students soo much.. its not that they were all excellent students.. most of them were just normal, hyperactive.. talkative.. very lazy and sleepy in my class.. hmm.. maybe they reminded me to myself?? haha..



to my dear students, please apologize me for all my mistakes.. wrong lesson?? bad english... but not for the mountains of homework i gave u.. haha.. if i ever scolded u, remember its not because i hate u.. but just to make u realize how bright ur future is.. and not to forget, thank you for the experiences u gave me.. for all the stories we shared, the gossips.. ;p.. the love and care u showed me.. do cooperate with your new teacher, en amir.. and lastly, try to get good result fir your final and make me proud.. love u all, and do keep in touch!!

takoot!!

dear beloved students.. if you happens to found my blog,please dont judge me by my writing.. i am just normal human being.. hahaha..

friday??

x saba nye menanti petang.. now da ade new routine for every friday nite.. three single but not really available ppl akan hangout.. hahaha.. acctually bukan wat pe pon.. just chatting.. EATING.. n sometimes movies.. simple but yet very relaxing.. free from all stress.. haha..

so far da three times kot lepak with dolly and our new fren alan.. yg tahan, siap wat agreement.. whoever among the three of us yg cancel our friday hangout will be fined.. dat is a dinner treat for the next hangout.. hahaha.. hopefully I will be available everytime.. I'm broke.. huhu